Nighttime Hosts Take Aim At Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Visa Scheme

TV's prominent hosts devoted the airtime ridiculing ex-President Donald Trump's recently unveiled immigration initiative, called the "Trump card," describing it as a blatant pay-for-access arrangement for the rich.

Stephen Colbert's Pointed Analysis

Starting his broadcast, Stephen Colbert delivered a satirical Christmas jingle directed at the commander-in-chief. "He is making a list, reviewing it twice, before giving that list to the officials at ICE," he intoned. "The President ... spoils each thing he touches."

The focus was the new plan which enables international individuals to buy U.S. residency for the price of one million dollars, with a "top-tier" version for 5 million. A government website guarantees processing "faster than ever."

"A brief message for you to affluent foreigners: before you pay, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert joked.

He noted that the program is also meant to "get cash" from companies wishing to hire skilled workers, with large payments. "That's a lot of fees, but if you enroll, you additionally get free accommodation at a hotel of your choice – as long as it's the that one hotel," he said.

"The most thorough screening the U.S. government has before done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to make sure these applicants absolutely qualify to be in America."

"That is important, you gotta prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert responded. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Commentary

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the visa program the "Get Into America Express Card."

"This is a card that will allow affluent overseas citizens to live here," he explained. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get legal visitor status, you get a route to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one significant crime of your choice."

"Maybe it's time to update that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your poor masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel teased the simplicity of the form, saying it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"Exactly, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Grocery Issues

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's slipping poll numbers amid economic worries. "Voters gave Donald Trump a second term since they were upset about the economy," he noted.

This week, in a bid to tackle prices, Trump held a briefing in front of a display of grocery items, and reacted strangely to boxes of cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"He's so incredibly weird," Meyers said. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by criticizing right-leaning news defenses of Trump's financial performance. "Maybe rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a sparkling trophy like what FIFA did," he remarked.